weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
