why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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