we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
