People in love make me want to vomit
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
So apparently I’m into choking now
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