The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
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