yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
