no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
