i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
