I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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