The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize