Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
