I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
