I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
