Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
