i jhust puked up my retainher.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize