I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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