Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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