Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
