Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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