i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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