This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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