The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
