Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
