stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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