There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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