Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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