from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize