i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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