Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
