I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
