What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
