How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize