overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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