I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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