Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
