i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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