Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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