Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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