if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
