I love black thongs
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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