He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
