You're completely useless in the revolution.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Randomize
