covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
