my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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