I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
