If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
