I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I can't turn off my feet"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
