I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
