like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
