my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
