Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
