Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
