i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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