Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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