im about as happy as oj after his trial
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
