so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I am full of burrito and curiosity
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
