Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
