K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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