My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
