so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
