I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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