yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
