google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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