anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
