I am puke
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
