You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
