So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
