If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
