Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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