More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
