if i can run in heels then i can drive
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
