I don't remember. Are we still dating?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
