I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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