At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize