masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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