***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
