I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
